How do I do it?

Friday, May 4, 2012

Recently, I had a loss in my family. My godfather, who is my mother’s cousin that she was close to, passed away. There are so many wonderful memories in my life that he was a part of. My dad passed away when I was six and I remember my godfather coming over on Mother’s Day (after telling my mom to leave the front door unlocked ;)) and cooking breakfast downstairs in the kitchen with me and my little sister. He loved to cook. We made a plate for my mom and placed it on a tray with a vase and a flower. Then he left leaving my sister and I to surprise my mother with breakfast in bed. Once, he even took my little sister to her first father/daughter event so she would have someone to go with since our dad was gone. We spent many a Thanksgiving at his house. He would cook so much food and everyone would bring more and we played late until the night with our cousins and even did karaoke performances. He loved karaoke.

When my daughter was born, he was in love. He just held her and stared at her. Every time he would come to visit (he had moved to Florida), Zee got so excited to see him. She played with him constantly.  He even bought her her pretty little Jasmine Halloween costume.

…and now he’s gone, and I don’t know how to tell her. She kind of understands how death works. She knows that my dad was sick a long time ago before she was born and that he was so sick that he died and went to Heaven. She knows that my grandmother died right before she was born and that she went to Heaven too. There have been people who have passed since she was born, even. But not someone that she knew like this. She knew he was sick and she keeps saying to me, “When Uncle Butchie gets better, Im gonna give him a big kiss!” How do I tell her? How do I explain to my baby that Uncle Butchie was sick enough to go to Heaven and that she can’t give him that kiss?

This is one of those Mommy moments you dread. Having to explain the things in life that cause us pain and having to watch your child bear it. I know I have to tell her soon and I know that she may cry so I am preparing myself for her tears.

How do you watch your three year old grieve?

1 comment

  1. im so sorry for ur loss nikki... it is very very hard explaining things like dis 2 kids... i know from losing my mom.... no mother wants 2 see their child cry or deal with pain... but at the same time its life... something we all have 2 go through... ur love & embrace will comfort her i'm sure... i wish u & my niece da best.. your a great mom & u will do ur best while u both grieve!! <3