I tend to hold on to a lot of things. Possessions, thoughts, people. I am also kind of a people pleaser and an introvert so sometimes I may not always say what I am feeling. I find that in starting my walk with God, I am starting to deal with situations differently. Though I may still feel the same emotions about situations where I feel uncomfortable, the way that I react is changing. Where I would usually get angry and yell and react, I find myself saying a prayer for peace of mind and waiting it out until I get it.
Pastor says that when you start to shift your life in the way of the Lord you become "convicted of things that others won't". You become uncomfortable in the things that you used to be comfortable doing. I can feel this happening in my life. I think about some of the things that I used to do that, to be honest, I sometimes still want to do, but I battle with myself every time I even consider it and that's how I know something within me is starting to change.
It is hard sometimes because I feel like some of the things that I love are farther from me because I can't be the same version of me and so the things I used to do to preserve what I love, I can't be comfortable in doing anymore. I expect more out of people and situations than I once did. The thing is though, it is now impossible to pretend like I don't feel this. I can't deny the change to myself because I can't go back to what was normal ...and because of this there is nowhere to go but forward and honestly, I'm glad to know there is more to find, experience, and learn.
I find comfort sometimes in knowing there is more. That if I keep moving forward, I wont regret it.
Notes taken at Motivation Church, Randolph MA with Pastor Jason LaPlanche